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My Two Rupees #1: ScrewAttack’s Top 10 Gaming Franchises That Should DIE!

Jon

Jon

MYtwoRuppees

Welcome to our new segment, called My Two Rupees (which is totally not a lame attempt at a “My Two Cents” pun). These segments are going to be geared more towards opinionated pieces rather than the reviews we’ve been pumping out lately. Not that we dislike reviewing games, but we, or at the very least, I feel like we don’t have to only do them. Today’s source material is going to be a video B.T. showed me recently that was made by ScrewAttack, titled The Top 10 Gaming Franchises That Should Die! (link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VHZbkZ8er3o)

10) Angry Birds

Angry-birds

I have to agree with this one. Not so much that I dislike Angry Birds, as much as I feel like there’s just too many games for it. I don’t mind the plush merchandise, or really anything else the guys in this video complain about, but I really don’t think we need eight games for this series. I guess we can forgive  it though, it’s one of the big reasons why mobile gaming manages to be a big deal nowadays.

9) Dynasty Warriors

dwarrios

Let me get this out of the way: B.T. and I are huge Dynasty Warriors fans. We love learning about the history from that time period, we like the characters (even if they are fictionalized to the extreme), and we like some of the spin-offs. On the other hand, we also like making fun of it and can understand why people wouldn’t like the game. However, it’s so obvious the people who came up with this list were going for a cheap laugh. It’s no secret that in Dynasty Warriors a majority of the game is mashing the attack button. You can certainly play that way, by pressing it “over, and over and over…”, but on the higher difficulties it’s not going to cut it. I know this might sound way far out there, but Dynasty Warriors does require a bit of strategy.  Especially in the later games. While their point about it being repetitive is valid, especially earlier games in the series, with each new game comes more characters, levels and innovations. And previous levels are almost always changed in at least some way. When a game is rooted in history, it’s very hard to do more then what actually happened. Certainly a top site like Screw Attack could have done better than stooping to this.

8) Lego Series

lego

I’ve never really played any of the Lego games, but I heard that they are pretty fun and capture the charm of both the media they are basing the game on and our love/hate relationship with those tiny building blocks of our youth. The reviewers bemoan that they are good games, but why can’t it just be a normal Indiana Jones or a normal Batman game. Well, I don’t know… probably because they are for kids? As much as we all hate to admit this, things are way different now then when we were growing up in the late ’80s and ’90s. Back then parents were okay with buying us mature rated games. But not the parents today, no way they would let their 10 year old play something like Arkham Asylum. With Legos, you can take something like Batman or Indiana Jones, something a child might not be interested in, and make it look child friendly and appealing. Crying over the aesthetics is rather petty, a good game is a good game (is a good game). Oh, and to answer your question, why not just play with actual Legos? Clearly they both have never stepped on one before. It hurts like a bitch.

7) Call of Duty

cawwaduty

*deep breath* Alright. I will admit this. I hate Call of Duty. I hate first person shooters. And I hate their fans who can’t accept why some people just don’t like those games. However, I won’t dispute that the games are probably entertaining in their own right. And I certainly wouldn’t want to see the series die. My main gripe is that they release a new one of these games every year, with hardly any changes, and the fanboys cream themselves. They happily pay $60 for the game, and another $60 for the map pack, and then do it again next year. Seeing the success of this formula, other companies have begun to try to cash in on the fun (pun intended). I know I shouldn’t dislike a game based on it’s fans, but Call of Duty has broken my patience. Worst part is? The same people who like Call of Duty think Dynasty Warriors is repetitive. Pot, meet kettle. And before you ask, yes, I have played CoD with B.T. before. And it felt like my sanity was being vacuumed out of my ear canal.

6) Dragon Ball Z

dbz

Yeah, DBZ kind of peaked at Tenkaichi 3, and the newer games haven’t really managed to capture the charm of it. Luckily I don’t see too many of these games come out any more, and if I do, it’s easily ignored. This really shouldn’t be on the list and seems like a lazy inclusion.

5) Dance Dance Revolution

ddrlogo

True, there are a lot of DDR games, and technology has really phased out the need for that plastic mat. This is another game series that is so forgettable now that now and then I am surprised I remembered it. Still, to the many who still love the series to death, they’re pretty much the only ones that buy it. Plus, what other games have catchy danceable j-pop soundtracks?

4) Kingdom Hearts

kingdomheartslogo

If there is anything. ANYTHING to take away from this video, it is this point here. I agree 110% with these guys. Kingdom Hearts started as a random mash-up between Final Fantasy and Disney. And you know what, it was pretty cool. Then it got way too big for it’s britches, overstayed it’s welcome and is now so bloated and difficult to understand that I am just curious as to when it’s going to end. It was simple. Everyone has good and bad in their heart, and depending on if you’re a nice person or an asshole is a reflection of what you really are inside. Heartless want to take over the many worlds, and you as the keyblade master need to prevent that from happening. But then they added Nobodies, and all this other stuff and it just got so confusing. Look, I love the games, but the story is so difficult to follow any more. There’s a difference between a deep story and one trying to be deep. Sadly, KH falls into the latter. Square-Enix need to wrap it up and come up with a new series.

3) Madden NFL

Madden-NFL-Logo

Remember how I said Call of Duty sort of perfected the quick cash grab scheme a lot of these companies are doing right now? Well, they weren’t the first ones. It all started with EA and the popular Madden series. Madden was revolutionary to football games as Tecmo Super Bowl was to sports games in general. Madden finally perfected it’s formula in 2003, when it released Madden 2004, the greatest iteration of their popular series. Games between friends never got old or boring, It was like NFL Blitz, an offensive frenzy but completely realistic instead of arcade-y. You just had to ban Michael Vick. Well, the very next year they put out Madden 2005, which was pretty mediocre as far as Madden games go. They completely overhauled the defense and toned the offense way down because Vick was just so broken, but they also took away everything that made the previous game fun. On the flipside, that same year, the best modernized football game was released at a grand total of $20, ESPN 2k5. Everything that Madden did wrong, this game had gotten right. Presentation? Awesome. Deep playcalling? As good as Madden’s. Reasons for replay value? Absolutely, you have to pimp out your crib or get a perfect score on the trivia machine. Madden couldn’t stand getting blown the f*** out, so they decided to do what any company does when faced with competition. No, they didn’t make a better game, they bought out the exclusive NFL rights. Again, I don’t see why this is on the list. I just want ESPN/another company back to force EA to actually do something better than a roster update each year. I don’t want Madden to go away, although I’d be very happy if they stopped trying to charge an extra $10 for an online pass if you bought the game used.

2) Final Fantasy

FinalFantasyLogo-1-1

This is another series I used to love. Out of the main Final Fantasy games, I have beaten II, IV, V, VI, VII, VIII, IX and X.  Everything up until X was nothing short of a masterpiece.  X less so, but it was still playable. Shortly after X was released, Squaresoft announced that it would be merging with one of it’s main rivals, Enix. Once it went through, although there’s time to still change history, this has kind of signaled the end for Squaresoft. The company has just not reached the same level of acclaim that they had in the past. The reviewers claim that the last Final Fantasy game that people accept is X… but I refuse to accept even that one. Sure, it’s better than XII/XIII/XIII-2, but what ISN’T? Yes, the fanbase is unpleasable at times. If they stick too close to the original formula, they get lambasted for not trying something new. But if they make something too unfamiliar, people whine that it’s not like the old ones. Personally I’d like to see one in that old school style with a story that isn’t so damned out there without a whiny/emo/bitchy protagonist. But hey, that’s just me. As for the series dying, considering the games aren’t all one cohesive story line, I don’t see why it’s an issue. While the reviewers had some good points, this isn’t like Kingdom Hearts where the story became so difficult to understand that you needed a separate book to figure out what’s going on. The running theme with this video seems to be, the top 10 gaming franchises that need some fine tuning rather than what needs to go the way of the dodo.

1) Halo

halo_logo

And here you go, according to these doofuses, the number one, all time game franchise that should die is Halo. And what is the big reasoning behind it all? Is it because Halo, much like Call of Duty is pretty much the same game every time it’s released? Is it because the map packs are expensive? Is it because people call the series the second coming of Christ and it’s just grating? NOPE. Are you ready for the reasoning? It’s because Halo was a trilogy and didn’t need a fourth game. Mind you, this video was made before the game was released, but the reasoning behind it is so flawed. They openly admit that even if the game is good, it just won’t be the same. You can’t just write something off because it’s continued too much. Once you drift into that territory, it’s tough to take your opinion seriously in anything. If you liked the first three games, and like the sequel, how can it be considered bad? Because you felt it only needed three games? That’s such a stupid reasoning. Now, considering this video has way more dislikes than likes, I can’t say I’m surprised with the awful commentary, but I usually like ScrewAttack. I can’t believe ScrewAttack didn’t look over this video before releasing it. It shows such a banal grasp of effort on the reviewers part. Oh well, goes to show you even good sites have a bout of awfulness once in a while (ourselves included).

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